One little moment.
A little collection of ordinary days and changing perspectives.
Come as you are. Read at your own pace.
13 entries in reflection
i like the feel of feeling. even when it hurts. even when i wish i could feel less. sometimes a song, a memory, or something ridiculously small brings back things i thought i'd forgotten. and somehow, i keep returning to them. maybe it's not the sadness i like, but knowing that things still matter to me. even the ones i pretend i've moved on from.
不知道从什么时候开始，生活慢慢失去了原本的色彩。曾经对未来充满期待的自己，如今连迈出一步都觉得困难。想逃离，想重新开始，想被理解，也想被认真爱着。有时候觉得一个人也挺好，有时候却又羡慕别人拥有的归属感。明明知道自己不想继续这样生活，却不知道该从哪里改变。偶尔会想，如果一切能够重来，另一个世界的我，会不会活成小时候期待的模样。
i used to be someone who could study for hours and get things done. now i can barely convince myself to open my laptop, even when i know exactly what needs to be done. i've been looking back at my childhood, questioning my habits, and wondering if i've had adhd all along. somewhere between growing up, moving abroad, and trying to finish my degrees, i think i've lost track of myself a little. i don't know if i need a break, a change of direction, or just some help figuring things out. maybe all three.
i have so many things i want to do, so many versions of myself i want to become. yet somehow, i spend more time thinking about starting than actually starting. living with adhd in my mid-20s feels like being caught between ambition and paralysis. it's not that i don't care. maybe i care about too many things at once. and sometimes, the hardest part isn't doing the work. it's convincing my brain to begin.
i’m slowly recovering from last week’s mental meltdown, except i can’t remember what triggered it. i remember how much it hurt, just not what happened. somehow, learning about rejection sensitive dysphoria made me look at my past a little differently. and now i’m wondering how many things i’ve forgotten while still carrying the feelings they left behind.
three days of work in a row, and somehow an extra monday closing shift was exactly what i needed. wiping tables, organising things, keeping my hands busy. anything to get away from the noise in my head. i've been unusually sensitive to everything lately, even the smallest interactions. tonight, i chose my bedroom over my usual desk, and silence over conversations. nothing is asking anything from me here. i think that's what i needed.
third gearbox design. 3am bedtime. another train ride to class. sometimes i wonder if there’s just too much to learn and not enough time to figure it all out. or maybe my brain just makes everything a little harder than it needs to be. i love learning. i just wish i had more time to actually enjoy it.
A reflection on emotional silence, overthinking, and the quiet fear of reaching out when reassurance feels uncertain.
A burnout-driven thought experiment about emotional withdrawal, reduced effort, and the desire to let everything matter less.
A fragmented reflection on self-awareness, solitude, and the unsettling thought that the world feels real only from inside your own head.
A quiet reflection on a dream where nothing happened — and yet something stayed.
Lately, nostalgia feels less like a memory and more like a scent - soft, unexpected, and quietly emotional.
A quiet reflection on control, planning, and the moment I realised that letting go doesn’t mean giving up who I am.