One little moment.
A little collection of ordinary days and changing perspectives.
Come as you are. Read at your own pace.
4 entries in rsd
i spent most of my life trying not to disappoint people. saying yes, being useful, staying available, making myself easy to rely on. lately, i don’t care as much anymore. if someone leaves because i stopped exhausting myself to keep them comfortable, i think i can finally let them.
i’m slowly recovering from last week’s mental meltdown, except i can’t remember what triggered it. i remember how much it hurt, just not what happened. somehow, learning about rejection sensitive dysphoria made me look at my past a little differently. and now i’m wondering how many things i’ve forgotten while still carrying the feelings they left behind.
a delayed reply. a different tone. a small criticism. things that seem ordinary to everyone else can somehow ruin my entire day. i’ve been learning about rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), and it explains a little too much about the way i react, withdraw, and overthink. i guess this is my attempt to explain why some of my previous entries feel heavier than the situations themselves.
the city disappeared into fog tonight. meanwhile, i’ve been trying to understand why the smallest things can hurt so much. learning about RSD made some things click, but knowing why i feel this way doesn’t make it any easier. i want someone to notice my silence, yet i’m the one choosing not to speak.